If Your Feedback During Performance Reviews is a Surprise, You're Doing It Wrong

 Imagine this: You’re sitting in a performance review, and your employee looks genuinely shocked when you bring up candid, direct feedback about their performance. You’ve been thinking about it for months, and you've sorta, kinda told them what they could correct in the past - yet this is the first they’re hearing about it CLEARLY. That’s a problem. Waiting until the performance review to provide direct feedback isn’t just unkind—it’s ineffective.

As leaders, one of the most important things we can do is give feedback in real-time. Performance reviews should be a recap, not a revelation. If you’re holding off difficult conversations until year-end reviews, it’s time to ask yourself: Why am I avoiding this conversation?

Feedback is Kind, But Clarity is Even Kinder

Brené Brown puts it perfectly: “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” When we avoid giving direct, timely feedback, we’re not being kind to our employees—we’re leaving them in the dark. Clarity doesn’t just help individuals grow; it strengthens relationships and builds trust. Research from Kim Scott’s Radical Candor shows that leaders who are both direct and caring foster more engaged, productive teams. When feedback is specific and delivered as close to the event as possible, it becomes actionable rather than a blindside.

Why Do Leaders Wait? (Hint: It’s Fear)

So, why do so many leaders wait until performance reviews to share tough feedback? The science of organizational psychology tells us it often comes down to fear. Fear of confrontation, fear of damaging relationships, or even fear of our own discomfort. It’s human nature to avoid uncomfortable conversations, but avoiding them doesn’t make the problem go away. In fact, it tends to make things worse.

What Are We Afraid Of?

1. Fear of Conflict: Many leaders worry that giving feedback will lead to a confrontation. But studies show that when feedback is delivered constructively, it often strengthens the relationship rather than weakens it (De Dreu & Weingart, 2003). Avoiding conflict might feel easier in the moment, but it leads to more significant issues down the line.

2. Fear of Hurting Someone's Feelings: No one wants to be the "bad guy." But withholding feedback isn’t protecting your employees—it’s limiting their growth. Research from Leadership Quarterly suggests that employees actually prefer direct feedback, even when it’s difficult, as long as it’s given with care (Ilgen & Davis, 2000). In fact, vague or delayed feedback can leave people feeling more anxious than clear, tough conversations.

3. Fear of Rejection or Pushback: What if the employee disagrees with the feedback? This is a common fear, but it underscores the importance of frequent, ongoing conversations. When feedback is a regular part of your leadership, it becomes less threatening. Open dialogues make feedback feel like a collaboration, not a critique.

The Power of Continuous Feedback

Research from Gallup reveals that employees who receive regular feedback are three times more engaged than those who don’t. The best leaders don’t wait until performance reviews—they have regular check-ins, provide in-the-moment coaching, and are consistently transparent about expectations.

A study by Anseel et al. (2015) also shows that feedback is most effective when it’s frequent and given in smaller, digestible amounts. This aligns with the feedback loop concept: continuous feedback helps employees adjust and improve in real-time, rather than waiting months to course-correct.

How to Build the Habit of Continuous Feedback:

1. Make Feedback a Daily Practice: Don't wait for formal reviews. Use 1:1 meetings, casual check-ins, or even spontaneous chats to share feedback as soon as possible. Research from Zenger and Folkman (2014) shows that regular feedback builds trust and makes year-end reviews smoother and more productive.

2. Frame Difficult Conversations as Opportunities for Growth: When you approach feedback as a way to help someone grow, it becomes easier to deliver. Use phrases like, “I’ve noticed this, and I think we can improve together,” rather than pointing fingers. Studies show that growth-oriented feedback is more motivating and better received than feedback framed as criticism (Deci & Ryan, 2000).

3. Encourage Self-Reflection: Continuous feedback doesn’t just flow from manager to employee. Encourage your team members to reflect on their own performance regularly. This creates a culture of accountability and makes feedback less one-sided (London & Smither, 2002).

What Happens When You Don’t Give Feedback Throughout the Year?

When feedback is withheld until year-end performance reviews, two things happen:

1. The Employee Loses Out on Growth: By the time the feedback is delivered, it’s too late to course-correct or improve in the moment. This delay in feedback can stifle growth, leaving the employee with no clear understanding of what they could have done better.

2. Trust Breaks Down: When employees are blindsided in reviews, trust erodes. They feel unsupported, unprepared, and disconnected from their manager. According to research from Harvard Business Review, one of the fastest ways to disengage your team is to surprise them with unexpected feedback in performance reviews.

Final Thoughts:

The truth is, if someone is surprised by the feedback they receive in their performance review, something has gone wrong. Regular, continuous feedback ensures that performance reviews are a time to reflect, celebrate progress, and align on future goals—not a moment of reckoning.

As leaders, it’s our responsibility to create an environment where feedback is part of the everyday conversation, not something to dread at the end of the year. Ask yourself, What am I afraid of? and commit to creating a culture where clarity is kindness and feedback is constant.